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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”